Membrane of Fear
The fear once it festers in your blood, will chip away at you till you are nothing and can be nothing ever again. It first forms in your intellect as a membrane. “Maybe you should run”. “maybe I should be quiet”. “Someone else will fix it” and “it’s healthier long term”. Rationalizations familiar to a craven man. Once these thoughts linger, then in key moments, when your values are tested, you will abandon them in favor of pragmatic self-interest.
Your life is now ruled by the outcomes of circumstances rather than your own inner will. Your heart beat now matching the rhythm of daily agitation and relief. Up and down, up and down. Agitation and relief. Your body is in control of the direction you are heading. Your desires are amplified, but no matter how great, they don’t measure to the fear within you.
And because the membrane of fear around your brain has grown. Your commands to your body no longer matter. And because you allowed fear to root in your heart your mind now an echo-chamber of panic. You are not in control anymore. And the screams from your mind can not be felt by your body, though they’re the only thing you can hear. Because of your cowardice you don’t have any shame. And the only thing you’re not afraid of is to flee. And this brings you delight and temporary peace as it makes you an eternal victim of circumstance. As fear smog seeps into your lungs, it alleviates all your dangers, but at the cost of your future and integrity.
As a victim of circumstance you are free of responsibility. The world has wronged you. Your body has wronged you and you are a passenger on a train to despair. Then at a vital point, you will look around yourself and your eyes won’t recognize the world around you. They no longer serve you. And as soon as they deceive you, your heart thumps in agreement. Rebelling against you it screams out and aches you: “I do not serve your will anymore”. The mutiny spreads through your chest like a fire and your lungs, once the bellows of your vitality, now refuse to respire. They draw in shallow and jagged gasps. Like smog tightening your every breath. Your hands, once the instruments of your intent now tremble with a life of their own, refusing to grasp what you desire. And your legs, heavy and leaden, anchor you to the very floor you wish to flee from. As your body gives in, your mind is now imprisoned. Even a man who fears death is better than you. Because a man who fears death is afraid of the inevitable, however you are afraid of your own choices and have reached the ultimate state of cowardice, the fear not of death, but of life.
01/19/2026